I sometimes can feel God right by my friends, as if he is begging to be let in. With his loving eyes staring into the soul, all the while my friends feel that he is miles away. Sometimes they tell me that I am wasting my time and that they are going to hell. I work hard in every area in my life, knowing that the areas I fall short in are the ones that are seen as most important on paper.
No matter how much I do, people will look back at those pieces of paper and dismiss me. At least that is how I often feel. The good news is, God has long since burned those papers and they no longer defines who I am. It is also good news that your life on paper is no longer what defines you, but rather the desires of your heart. As Paul said
"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit." (Romans 7:18-Romans 8:4)
It is a risk in that it sometimes hinders me from building or pursuing a strong friendship and sense of trust with her. One I would other wise whole heartily pursue.(Though either way its fine of it doesn't work out. It would be nice to at least be good friends.) It might normally be fine to pursue such things and I am not sure it would be disrespectful in and of itself, however, due to my personal convictions at the this time, it is not alright for me. I won't till I know the boundaries and permissions of her parents which remain unclear.
I live every day to honor God and i am not going anywhere soon. If anyone has any questions or concerns or just needs someone to talk to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org <---old email current one is email@example.com--->