Delusions and Justification, the Burdens of Knowledge

Our society is marked largely by excuses and self justification. We berate the hypocrisy of others, yet indulge in it daily as our only means of survival. No one is innocent of such delusion, it is by far the most common coping mechanism. In fact, for many it is the only way they have learned to carry on! When we tell ourselves, "I must stay strong and fight! I must right the wrongs and never give in. I have to go on!" we take on the weight of sins We committed. Afraid to accept our weakness and lack of knowledge and becoming trapped in the prison of ourselves. This becomes a cycle of guilt and self justification.

The more we learn, the more we are convicted of our own sins! It becomes overbearing as the soul cries out for justice! Justice for the wrongs we and others have committed and the pains that resulted. When Looking to ourselves for hope, we become increasingly blind to the inevitable ends achieved by our own merits (Death). The knowledge itself becomes another relentless slave driver, beating us with a whip before bleeding us dry with false hopes. "Harder, faster better, not enough? Just a little more!", It shouts, making our souls loud cries into nothing more than silent pleas.

To accept this truth, the reality of sin, and our own inherent lack of ability strips from us the delusion of power. Left powerless from letting go of that invisible string of hope, the only illusion of joy we ever had! A string without significance, yet empowered by a worthless faith. It is nothing more than a worthless idol!

The hope never lasting for more than a moment, just to be trampled. Desperately we rebuild that hope in a new image, reinventing ourselves only to see the same results!  It is terrifying to give up our faith in what we can do with our own hands, becoming nothing and losing any conceptualization of "good" We so long deeply for God without understanding. We fear if we let go we will just fall, that our doubts and lack of trust of the invisible God will be proven right!

This cycle of deception is founded on the the delusion of self authority and results in the rejecting of the sufficiency of Christ. We struggle to trust that Christ alone is enough, to accept his resurrection and the witness given as proof of God and his power! Instead, we continue to carry the responsibility to fix that which we cannot and need not fix! It is the very definition of insanity that we continue this, all the while we must search for new and inventive ways to escape or cope with the burden we don't have to carry! We are meant to live with joy and freedom through recognizing and embracing our weakness through a love and reconciliation of Christ!

We must be intellectually and spiritually honest with ourselves, as we gain confidence and trust in God to fill in the gaps. To believe such prayer, humility and desire for truth is, in and of itself, all that is required of us! In order to have all things in our life put together for good, we must continue to let go and have faith. Even, or especially, in the tough and embarrassing times! It is this sincere, honesty and confidence that gives us the freedom to find truth and maintain a clear and unburdened conscience. A confidence to try and fall short, knowing that nothing but good will result as long as we look to and trust in God.

My vision for CHEWS

Christian Home Entertainment Works Studio (CHEWS) is very much an experiment. My aim is to create a christian media company that subverts the societal images that have become associated with Christianity, the church and christian media without sacrificing core christian values. I want it to help prove that such a thing can not only exist, but benefit society as a whole.

I could never hope for any one project to be a complete and perfect expression of an infinite and perfect God, let alone compete with his own writings. Luckily that is not the goal. However, we can and should recognize that much of what we have is broken, and not be afraid to challenge established views, or even our own preconceptions!

The current project in the works at the time of writing, 4 arc, aims to do just that, and hopefully help establish the companies image and culture. 4 arch will be a Christian, Libertarian, comedy news program. It is being designed to make people uncomfortable enough to reconsider what they believe, or at least better understand why they support what they do. Obviously I will not be afraid to choose and defend a side as part of the discussion.

I recognize and embrace the fact that there is a difference between holding and defending a stance strongly, and pridefully deciding everyone who disagrees is an idiot! Though occasionally it can be hard to tell ;). A certain set of core principles will dictate the companies cultures and action. These core values are to be kept to a minimum. This is to allow a diverse group of people to be part of the studio and core vision, without being forced to agree on a million minor issues.

It is not my own or the studios place to dictate or judge people beliefs or to what authorities they submit themselves to. The commitment of the studio is simply to serve in the lives of people and to encourage as many as we can to open up to and trust in God and his plan for their lives. To see what God does, not try and dictate it, and to lead by example not force. To emphasize personal responsibility to ourselves and God, rather than exercising our own authority over the lives of others!

It is to be the firm stance of the company, that God is just as able to work in the hearts of others as he can and has in our own. To recognize that we are neither fundamentally easier to work with, nor are we completed works.Our job is simply to live as we are called to!

Battles of Chistian life

I still remember the hell God removed me from. Sometimes the fear of going back is the only thing that moves me forward. God never promised an easy life but he did say that he will never leave nor forsake us! This has always proven true. Some times I am told I am not Christian enough and some times I am told I am too Christian. Despite this I fight every day for the kingdom of God, the best I know how, I march forward knowing that when I feel like I can't move much further God will command, "peace be still!" and peace will again fall upon me, forever reminding me what I fight for.

I sometimes can feel God right by my friends, as if he is begging to be let in. With his loving eyes staring into the soul, all the while my friends feel that he is miles away. Sometimes they tell me that I am wasting my time and that they are going to hell. I work hard in every area in my life, knowing that the areas I fall short in are the ones that are seen as most important on paper.

No matter how much I do, people will look back at those pieces of paper and dismiss me. At least that is how I often feel. The good news is, God has long since burned those papers and they no longer defines who I am. It is also good news that your life on paper is no longer what defines you, but rather the desires of your heart. As Paul said 

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit." (Romans 7:18-Romans 8:4)

It was the lord who set me free in-order to do good works and that is what I will do. I will fight for my faith to the point of insanity because even that is better than life without God. I even continue to do so risk not getting a real chance with, what I see right now as being the most wonderful girl in the world by sticking to my personal conviction. The convictions that if i am pursuing someones daughter then they have some degree parent like rights/powers over me. This is a personal conviction over me, though it is never right not to disrespect the parents, my conviction seem to go a step further and a risky step at that.

It is a risk in that it sometimes hinders me from building or pursuing a strong friendship and sense of trust with her. One I would other wise whole heartily pursue.(Though either way its fine of it doesn't work out. It would be nice to at least be good friends.) It might normally be fine to pursue such things and I am not sure it would be disrespectful in and of itself, however, due to my personal convictions at the this time, it is not alright for me. I won't till I know the boundaries and permissions of her parents which remain unclear.

I live every day to honor God and i am not going anywhere soon. If anyone has any questions or concerns or just needs someone to talk to email me at t.grissam@yahoo.com <---old email current one is tchews@gmail.com--->