Thursday, February 19, 2015

A Bit of Self Discovery

So I completed my exercise today, haphazardly commented on stuff on fb then put on my music to get to work on the sermon message. Normally this gets me in the mode where I can write and be productive for at least an hour. Often times it would be around 3-12 hours and the results seemed to be somewhat randomly determined by some sort of cosmic 20 sided dice.However. it was never less than an hour, so I was stunned to find I could not write a single coherent sentence. Was I suddenly stupid but knew it or was something wrong with my mind? Perhaps I had become a dragon who could not speak normal human languages!

As I was trying to figure out why I was suddenly struggling to articulate my thoughts and struggling to do things that normally come quite naturally. Why I suddenly was stalling on writing and editing my sermon and couldn't think straight. It was quite scary so I look it up and actually found a helpful answer that was given to someone with a similar personality type as me and similar set of issues. Upon reading this answer I was able to properly focus and get back to work.

Jared wrote," ...Generally , I have discovered overly analytical personalities, and people with relatively higher than average Intelligent Quotients tend to manifest their depression and anxiety problems through a neurological mime." He goes on to describe things that I have done thought out my life like zone out and not even remembering half my day or not recalling if I drove home. Normally I have spent a lot of life dealing with depression and was always thinking of responses and solution to issues. This often lead to some pretty good progress, though it was often slowed by moments of feeling emotionally overwhelmed. However, despite the stuff that has been occurring with my sisters and family, I have continued to feel remarkably calm. This initially lead to an increase in determination and excitement for my work. Normally I am quite aware of why I do things and the deep thoughts and zoning out where done in a manner that I was consciously aware of the thoughts.

I had not considered this could, at least in part, be a result of anxiety. Not until I inexplicably couldn't work that is! Once I read Jareds post, which was a lot longer than that excerpt, I began to test it. I decided to look at what I had already written on the sermon previous days, though that is how I normally start. This time I considered that anxiety might be causing me to subconsciously over analyze things without alerting my conscience mind. I was then able to continue my work, all the while I discovered something new about myself. I always enjoy self reflection but normally don't stumble across helpful comments on the internet. I am glad that when, for the first time ever, I hit a wall in this process there was something there to help. I don't really understand how or why it worked but glad it did :D Now back to productive thoughts!

Well perhaps I should get some sleep first. You know before I have to go to work latter tonight. I wasn't all that awake when writing this so please forgive the even lower than usual standard of editing used here.

Here is the answers page that was referenced from for this discovery

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